I'm not Gullible!
by Poison Apples
Summary: Zim just happens to be one of the most gullible beings in existence. What happens whe he realizes just how gullible he has been.
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N)** Hi!...Total lack of conversation starters right there. I was not sure what grade Dib, and consequently Zim, were in at the time of the series. So I made it fourth grade and just for kicks, they are now in sixth grade beginning their third year as enemies. Anyway, hope you enjoy the story and warning: I'm a horribly sporadic updater. Minus that, on with the show.

Middle School. The stuff of most children's nightmares. Larger building. More people to worry about. Older bullies. Evil teachers. More evil teachers. Actual homework. And of course the locker. That ugly, impossible to color-coordinate, always too small, metal box. That metal box where belongings could be "safely" kept and of which Dib's head was getting an up close and personal look at; unfortunately for him.

Actually, since this was his head's sixth trip into the locker's personal space, his eyes were somewhat unfocused and his brain had stopped picking up on details such as the inevitable scratches that marred the surface of the locker. As his head made its sixth return trip into normal school space, only to be smashed back into the locker for the seventh time, Dib somehow got his brain into working order and opened his mouth to scream for help.

However, all that came out was a rather pathetic groan. As his head was forcefully lifted up, he heard someone, with a different voice than that of the bullies, say something. The bullies who were "just knocking him around" actually stopped; so his head, instead of being smashed into the locker, actually remained in a somewhat more normal position in relation to his body. The voice didn't say anything special, just a clichéd line from countless movies:

"Let him go"

Dib lifted his head. He had to wonder who in their right mind would help him. None of the older kids would soil their reputations for him; if they even noticed the situation (at lunch time at a deserted end of the school-not likely) and as for the kids in his own grade…Well, he was just the loner freak who had the screwed up family and always talked about aliens.

Speaking of aliens, that voice had sounded eerily familiar. But that made no sense. Why would Zim help him?

His brain, starting to get back into working order, reprimanded the place in his mind that the question came from. The question and situation it described was completely illogical and furtherm-

However, a sucking noise stopped that train of thought before it could get any further. A noise that sounded suspiciously like…_Oh no, he's sucking out their brains. _The logical side of his brain responded with what sounded like the beginning of another rant about why Zim would never reveal his alien identity…and why he would never suck the brains out of three students who did not have an IQ of 50, even added together. The part of Dib's mind that had started the whole argument with a simple question now gave a simple answer: "_Open the eyes to find the truth."_ While the complex part of Dib's mind sputtered about how Zim might kill him too for seeing his "secret" identity and demanding to know who had said/written that quote, Dib did as ordered and opened his eyes.

Dib had no expectations of what he would see, or so he told himself. But whatever he had believed would happen, it was not the sight of the three bullies, now cowering on the floor curled up on the floor in a fetal position and one with the added touch of sucking his thumb. And standing over them, was not Zim in his somewhat-threatening and freakish-yet-normal alien skin or even a teacher or two. Nope, contrary to any expectations Dib might have had, it was his sister, Gaz, sucking the last dregs of soda out of a straw and thumbing something in on her cell-phone.

And with that shock, on top of all the other pains and bruises and internal conflict Dib had experienced in the past six minutes, and with the added bonus of his logical brain shutting up due to his mind's simple statement: _I did, _his knees buckled and he collapsed on the floor. The last memory Dib had, before his eyes closed was of Gaz sucking the last drop out of her straw, chucking the soda can into a garbage, snapping the cell-phone closed, and with her trademark "Whatever," walking away.

**(A/N)** Well people. I want details. Too many run-on sentences? Glaring problems? Big words that no sixth grader should be using? Too many pronouns and not enough clarification? (I do actually have a problem with that in real life) Too many weird or awkward phrases? (Another real life problem) Just general issues. I want to know; Bring it on nitpicky readers and hopeful reviewers. I, amazingly, am actually asking for criticism….Good Lord, I've become a masochistic author. Gaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.

……….…….

On second thought, any kind of review would be nice….But seriously, I actually want my story to be nitpicked.


	2. So What if I miss History?

I'm back, still keep both my Author's Notes in mind… pretty please with sugar on top. Awesome. Anyway, on with the show. Oh yeah, I haven't really decided if I want to give Dib some sort of Multiple Personality Disorder yet, I mean it certainly seemed as if I was going in that direction last chapter. But just in case, _italicized_ means either normal thoughts of the logical/computer-brain part of his personality, or anybody else's thoughts. **_Italiciized Bold_** means that it is the more peaceful, ditzy, child part of his mind. Also, note the difference in usage between _brain _and **_mind._** So yeah. Now I'm done with Author's Notes.

Dib woke up, not in a soft bed, like he thought he would, or even sprawled across the floor. And he didn't wake up to the bell, or people talking over him about his fate. In fact, he didn't even wake up to a bug skittering across some part of his anatomy. Nothing so melodramatic; what Dib woke up to was the feeling of cold metal against his back and his head, and the feeling of being poked in the arm. Dib frowned and debated opening his eyes; the last he had opened them, he had been confronted with something that was impossible and he wasn't about to move that memory out of the Possible Hallucinations due to Head Trauma bin, and yet…his thought was interrupted by another poke, this time on his forehead. Without opening his eyes, Dib growled out, "Stop with the incessant poking"

The poking stopped, only for his ears to assaulted by some gibberish in a tone very reminiscent of some of the cursing heard in the hallway, and by a voice that was even more familiar than that. Dib's eyes snapped open. "Zim," he growled.

"Dib." Zim acknowledged.

Dib put his hand on the ground and slowly pushed himself up. He sneered, "What were you doing Zim"

Zim looked confused for a second, and then narrowing his eyes defensively, "I was checking to see if you were dead Dib-stink. For if you were, then victory would have been mine, all for Zim."

Dib levered himself into a standing position, raised his head and smirked. "Victory, all for you Zim? Well, if you don't move, very soon, the only victory here will be mine."

Zim quirked an eyebrow. "Really? It seems to me, Dib, that, like always you are completely unprepared for ….this." So saying, he whipped out an alien gun and started laughing maniacally. Unlike, in the fourth grade where at this point Dib would usually panic, he just narrowed his eyes and waited.

_BBBRRRRRiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggggg. _Too intent on the death stare match and almost friendly banter, Zim did not notice the end-of-lunch bell, or the low rumble coming from around the corner. Dib, on the other hand, smirked, grabbed his backpack from where it had fallen on the ground, and started running. Turning around, he yelled, "We will finish this, Zim. Outside of school, right after school."

Zim gave a confused glance to Dib._ Is he nuts?_ Suddenly, the rumble turned into a full out roar. As Zim slowly turned the other way, his eyes widened in horror. _Oh…s-._ Before he could complete the thought, Zim was completely bowled over by the after-lunch crowd. All that was let was a twitching, moaning mass of green skin and plastic eyeballs.

_**Could the clock go any slower? **Well, yes-,** uh rhetorical question. Duh**._ Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Dib turned his attention once more to his History teacher. One of the most boring teachers on Planet Earth. And it didn't help out that Zim just happened to be in the class. Dib directed a glance towards Zim, who feeling the unexpressed wish that he would drop dead, turned to stare at Dib. Their eyes met and then Dib glanced again at the clock. _Darnit. 10 minutes left. Ugh, I need to get out of here soon. **Maybe if I…hmmm.** Absolutely not. Education, especially history, is very important. I forbid it-._

"Excuse me sir…I, uh, seem, to have, uh, um, have, a, bad, case, of the…hiccups. Yeah."

A weary sigh. "Very well Dib, you may leave class early. Remember to do your reading on chapter seventy-two."

"Thanks. I will" And a rush of air was all that remained of Dib.

Another sigh. Why did all the smart students tend to do that? Speaking of which, the boy with the weird skin disease also had his hand raised. "Yes, Zim"

"May I also leave? I too, seem to have these hiccups." Honestly. Although Zim could be more likely categorized in the over-zealous group than the historically smart group. Sometimes, it was like Zim had never lived on Earth. But, hiccups were dangerous. "Yes Zim, you may also leave. However, I do expect to see that late essay tomorrow. As well as the reading. Got it." "Sir, yes sir. I have got it." Ignoring the giggles that had cropped up due to Zim's deference to authority, Zim rushed out to chase Dib.

Unfortunately, by the time Dib had rushed to get all his technology to prove Zim was actually an alien, and Zim had found a clever way to destroy the puny Earthling and make it look like an accident, and they had found each other outside of school, there were only thirty seconds left until school officially got out for the day.

Zim, not to be taken by surprise again, sneered. "Foolish human. Did you really think I, a mighty Irken, would tricked by the same trick again. Well, you were wrong, primitive Dib. I will not. So, I shall see you…tomorrow." So saying, Zim turned around and ran outside the school gates at which point he turned around and yelled, "I am not running away. I am just…going to home to find a more finalized and glorified way to kill you." He laughed maniacally for five seconds and then scampered off to his base of operations in the cul-de-sac. Dib was left there in the schoolyard with five seconds to muse confusedly until the swarm of high school students surged around him and made it impossible to think.

Wow. That was…pretty…AWFUL. I mean, god-Awful with a capital 'A.' If you agree or disagree, tell me. PS. Thanks for all the awesome, (and by awesome, I mean four) reviews I've already gotten. You four rock.


	3. An Accidental Eavesdropping

Okay, so sorry about the shortness of the last chapter. Anyway, with this one the plot is moving forward.

Middle School and High School is a time for children to grow and learn more about themselves, sometimes by themselves, other times, they require help. During the fifth grade graduation speech, Zim had ignored about all the possibilities for change that he would now encounter for he thought that the changes would only apply to Earth children. Then again, he might have been taking his cues from Tak, who was moving to a private school, in order to "take over the world the unconventional way" and impress "the Tallest," and some other stuff that Zim had not paid attention to. So maybe he was just acting this way on his own. Anyway, most kids do not experience change until they enter High School, but Zim, and Dib were two very special cases and Fate had plans for them (She might have had some pity for the two, but it was mostly calculations.) And what the foolish little alien had no idea of, was that those changes, were about to start, right now.

Zim ran quickly down the street, a bubble of giddy laughter escaping his vornsch, (what humans call a throat). He had Dib, all he needed now a good weapon. He raced into his lab, barely sparing a thought for his "mom" and "dad" and their brainless enquiries. Zim looked around at all the weapons that he had "acquired" (stolen) from various source (various government agencies that he-er, his defense systems took out). His talons itched to hold some of the weapons as he dreamed of that annoying Dib-pest's impending doom, but before he could, Zim had a job to do. First and foremost, he was an Irken Invader and that meant reporting his every plan to the Tallest.

He fired up the new Irken telescreen that would immediately connect any Invader to the Tallest for urgent and emergency messages. Zim executed a salute as the Tallest appeared on screen. Back ramrod straight, Zim outlined his plan to destroy the human known only as Dib. Still not realizing how large (or how small) a threat Dib was to the Irken, the Tallest only knew of him in their three-year communications with Zim. Frankly, all they had pierced together was that Zim could not seem to annihilate the one obstacle between conquering Earth, and coming home, as a marginally successful invader. Therefore, they listened to Zim's rantings with the best poker faces and trying not to laugh.

Finally done outlining his plans, Zim concluded with, "and once I am done subguagting these Earthlings, I will return to Irk to be reassigned by the Tallest." The Tallest exchanged looks of horror. If Zim was coming home again, this would require careful planning. "Well, Zim," Red took control of the awkward and horror-filled silence, "um, carry on with your plans. Tallest, over and out." So saying, he pressed a button off-screen and the screen went dark. However, unbeknownst to the Tallest, the new version of the telescreen had the option of just audio, and no image. Worse yet, it was this setting that Red had just pushed. Thus, it was as Zim went to pick a weapon of Dib's imminent demise that he heard what was probably the worst conversation of his life.

"Red, he can't come back. We've had a quiet and stable three years without any of his freak mess-ups."

"I know, I know, we will plan out a solution if he does ever manage to conquer that planet. After all, it is rich in raw resources."

"True. And nothing makes our troops more zealous than a poor Irken underdog, returning victorious, only to be grievously wounded or killed upon re-entry. Old equipment can be so problematic."

"Right. Though this is only _if_ he manages to conquer Earth. And that is a very large 'if.'"

"Yeah. I mean this is Zim we're talking about. The Great Irken Invader."

"You meant the Great Irken failure. In three years, he hasn't grown at all. And he's still as gullible as ever."

"I know. Remember when he wen-"

Unable to bear it anymore, Zim had turned off the connection between the two planets. Next, he pressed a button, and the weapons display folded back into wall. Slowly, he walked out of his lab, lights turning off behind him until the entire lab was left in darkness. Zim walked upstairs and entered his room. This was new information, he would have to think of what to do now.

So, sorry its so short, but it was a major plot point, and I didn't want to try to put two chapters into one. So I figure I have about four more chapters, of varying lengths left in this story. I promise an update will not take twelve months, promise.

So, 'till next time.


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